8 Years and counting...

It's taken me some time to write another blog post but I wanted to wait until I had the space and the inspiration to share from the heart, and what better time than now - on my 8-year Cancerversary.

This year, it sat quite deep within, I feel like my body was naturally triggered by this time of year, exhausted, heavy, emotional, very sentimental and my heart felt physically heavy and dense. I hadn't been sleeping well even though I kept to my normal routine but I think it intuitively knew and remembered the shock and trauma it experienced 8 years ago.

Last year I celebrated, I threw a morning tea, bought myself and my workplace a huge delicious cake and celebrated with my work fam and my home family. This year I let it come and go quietly. I was delivered some flowers and only then did my work fam remember it was this day. We spoke and they asked if I was doing anything special I replied, 'No, it's just another day', and they quickly disagreed and stipulated it was a day to celebrate that I was still here. Yes, whilst it is worth celebrating, on another level I do wish it was just another day, I wish I had never had to go through this to begin with.

I came home and shared on my socials what today was, and I couldn't hold back the tears or the emotions. 8 years I have battled Cancer because my Breast Cancer had metastasised to my bones upon diagnosis, I was given 5 years to live to begin with, and that's if I made it through Chemotherapy. And then when the Cancer metastasised to my brain I was given 3 months to live if the Gamma Knife Radiation Treatment didn't work, and I am so very grateful to say that I am here 8 years later, beating and defying the odds, living a life with Cancer.

It brings upon a lot of reflection, of where I am today and where I would have been, and this is the first year I have honestly felt that yes I am finally on track to where I would have been before Cancer. I am in the job I said I wanted 9 years ago, I love my home, I'm married to the man of my dreams, I have two little fur babies as children, and we are opening a restaurant - things are ticking boxes for my life plan - so I ask myself, would I be here where I am without going through Cancer?

I don't know the answer to that, but I feel in my body it's a no, right now wouldn't be possible without going through Cancer. I don't know if I would have the deep appreciation for life I now have, and not sweat the small things like I did being vigro, that now just roll off my back. I don't know if my career would be where it is, I don't even know if I would be working or would be home with children if my endometriosis didn't get in the way. I know my path to where I am would have been very different, but I am genuinely grateful for my path, for my newfound appreciation for life and love and all the things that make my life so special.

This then leads me to reflect on how I got to this point and have somehow made it this far. Whilst I am my mother and father's daughter built with a strength and resilience so ingrained within me from their feats in life - I'm not sure if that alone would have been enough to get me through this gruelling battle for life. I know wholeheartedly 2 things have got me this far in this journey;

1 - My fighting yet humble mentality - not giving in, feeling defeated, or wanting to give up and keeping a positive, optimistic, humble and grateful mentality.

• I have a natural fight for life within, I've had a relatively gifted life that has come with some struggles and a lot of loss in my life already, especially whilst younger. But you never know how strong and resilient you truly are until you have no choice but to be. It's either be strong or be defeated and in my case defeated means death.

• My mum is one of the strongest people I know, she has not had an easy life, and yet her goal was to give me a life and love she never had herself, she is my inspiration and I am very lucky to have her as my mum and my best friend in life...

• And my father, although he passed when I was only 4 I know he had an unmatched physical strength, in which he so kindly handed his strength and his build down to me (built like a brick shit house they say...)

• But from the very beginning of this journey, I chose to fight, to fight for the ones I love, to live a long life with them and mentally armed myself for the battle of my life

• I chose to be positive to focus on the amazing things in my life and to forever be grateful for everything I had.

• Cancer and chemotherapy strip you of everything, of your health, your identity, your vitality and your life energy, and it puts you in such a state of vulnerability that you have to re-learn who you are, what you know, relearn what your true life's passions are, what wellness means and it gives you such a deep profound depth of what it is to live and what you hold most valuable in life.

• You become very humble and very grateful for even the smallest things, the smallest of gestures or moments of love mean so much more yet you don't sweat the small stuff like you used to. What I once used to argue about doesn't even phase me anymore... I have very few arguments in my life at all...

• You become grateful for this journey and rather than focusing on the prognosis or the true heart-wrenching side of Cancer treatment you stretch your awareness and be grateful for what this Cancer journey positively brings into your life

• There are things in my life now I never thought possible if I hadn't gone through this journey, from friends and relationships to assets and opportunities and a new outlook on life.

• Whilst I never wish Cancer on anyone, I am grateful to have had my experience of it and I am grateful for the person I have become because of it.

2 - But none of the above would have been possible without my support crew.

• My husband and my mum are my two biggest supporters in all of my life. They have seen all sides of this Cancer with me and have been my rock through it all. And they give me such a deep sense of purpose, one to fight for - they are my reason for fighting this every day! They have helped and supported me on all levels from being my memory, helping me shower and being my emotional support (punching bag at times).
  

• My puppies, have given me an experience of motherhood I never thought I would ever have, and they have been my emotional support cuddlers through this, and they have a knowing of what's going and I believe they love me even harder because of it.

• Then there are the health professionals on my team, especially Dr Superman and Dr Batman who have been honest and optimistic with me throughout this entire journey. They admitted that they were going to make me very sick but fight so hard for me and they will help me beat this, and that they have and continue to do so. Add in Dr Spiderman who has helped me fight the Brain Cancer - I have the best 3 medical professionals in my care who have never wavered in their support and have always listened to me and truly heard me. Their support has not just been about fighting Cancer, it's been about living life well with Cancer.

• Now for the nurses - from Oncology Nurses, Care Coordinators, Telehealth Nurses, and Palliative Nurses, these are the silent heroes of my story. They sign up for a journey with a Cancer patient, and they see all sides, especially the shitty side and help in any way possible - even if it's just someone to talk to. Nurses are undersold in the medical industry but they are in fact, the real backbones of the medical and wellness industry. My nurses have fought for me when I didn't have the strength to fight for myself.

• Other Medical professionals, my normal GP, Practice Nurses, Psychologist, massage therapists, nutritionists, physiotherapists, chiropractors (the list goes on), a Cancer battle is more than just about drugs to beat Cancer, it is a whole health approach to living well whilst trying to beat Cancer.

• Friends and family close and far, my work family (from RFDS, Cattle Camp, Terri Eckel Veterinary, Charleville Vet Surgery and back to the RFDS again) all have supported me in some way to help me fight this battle.

• The community, I am very lucky to live in such a supportive community that prays for me, thinks of me, and raised donations to financially support me when I couldn't work, pretty much everyone would help me in any way that I needed.

I could go into depths of the support I have received but the moral of the story is that I alone have not got this far, it is the army behind me, that has supported me and has got me this far - 8 years in fact, and I know will help me live long life with Cancer.

I continue to have treatment every 3 weeks, or until we need to try something new, my health has its ups and downs, and relationships and situationships come and go - but the one constant is that my army is my biggest supporter and will always help me fight, or will fight for me till the very end (hopefully 60/80 years old).

So, If you're reading this, you are the support I am speaking of - so from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU. Your love and support is my guiding light, strength, resilience, and hope to continue this battle; I am so grateful you are a part of it.

Thank you & much love

Until next time

L xoxo