Cancer causing burnout...

Cancer may be a physical disease, but it is an emotional and mental battle…

I’ve been sitting in somber since my 8-year Cancerversary and have been wondering why I wasn’t in a celebratory fighting spirit. I even shared on my socials recently that I’m not sure if people even want to hear me sharing my journey and wondering if I am adding any value at all. I haven’t been put off by any negative comments or feedback, it’s more so choosing where to put my energy as I have so little of it to give at the moment.

I feel like it has been one battle after another from chemo side effects, cold and flu season, gastro bug season and a very emotional time of the year. Fighting for 8 years is exhausting, and the toll of fighting is waning on my mental and emotional health not to mention the physical effects I am experiencing, such as:

• Fatigue

• Nausea

• Poor gut health causing constant Gastro (diarrhoea)

• Brain Fog

• Dry Skin

• Random bouts of Laryngitis

• Fevers

• Runny Nose

• Mild dry cough

• Severe muscle cramps

• Headaches the lead into Migraines

• Dizziness

• Reflux & indigestion

• And now kidney issues from prolonged treatment (this is something we have been tracking for a while now, I have been on a slow decline with a recent significant drop leading to a referral to a renal specialist to prevent further kidney function decline and to prevent the need for dialysis).
  

I am an advocate for thriving and trying to live well with Cancer, and now it doesn’t feel like thriving at all. Though I’ve had these symptoms for a while, I believe the mental toll it is taking is exacerbating my physical symptoms or at least making me more vulnerable to them with such minimal emotional and mental strength.

It’s the time of the year where I have many Cancerversary’s, original diagnosis date, Stage IV diagnosis date, first round of chemotherapy date etc. (you get the idea) I’m also coming up to another round of scans come the beginning of August (cue scanxiety). This all comes with an emotional and mental toll, though I don’t show it all that often, the stress and anxiety the comes with this journey plays in the back of my mind like a ‘B reel’.

On top of Cancer, there is me outside of this journey, I work full-time for the Royal Flying Doctor Service, bookkeeper for a local boutique shop, I’m the secretary for the local Archery club and I’m also launching a restaurant with my husband and a friend. As you can see life is very full, some would say busy, but I don’t like the word busy because people wear that as a badge, whereas I am just grateful for all of the opportunities and grateful that my life is full and exciting and challenging but very rewarding.

Even though my life is very full, it has become even more apparent that my health must also be a priority, and I need to find a better balance between hustle and harmony, between working to achieve all the things whilst being very present with my family especially my pupperoodles and hubby whilst also focusing on resting and relaxing and nourishing my body, helping it and nourishing it to fight Cancer, to thrive and not just survive. Have I been succeeding in this area?

Short answer – NO!

I have lost the balance, I have confuddled the priorities, and the ‘B reel’ playing isn’t just impacting the Cancer side of me, it’s affecting all areas of my life, causing burnout. I’m aware of that now, over the days I have taken to write this blog, I have pondered and consciously thought about where my emotional and mental state is at and what are the causes. I believe our emotions are a measure of where I am not, and not who I am as a person – and the measure right is burnout and breakdown status.

I thought I was pushing down the anxiety and stress of Cancer, but, it was seeping into all areas and aspects of my life because I have been ignoring my realities, my turmoil of Cancerversary’s, Scanxiety and a buildup of general unwellness from Cancer treatment, not addressing the real issues and ignoring my suffering all in the name of trying to achieve it all.

I had a sick day last week and I don’t feel I have gotten any better energy wise – why, because I’m not addressing the real issues, I’m not talking about my real intrusive thoughts of Cancer and all of life’s fullness, I’m not being honest with myself regarding my emotional, mental, and physical state and just doing patch up jobs, not addressing the root cause. I have boiling pot inside that is boiling over from no work/life balance, and that’s because I haven’t been setting clear boundaries, adhering to those boundaries and that is trying to be the people pleaser rather than standing strong in my own power and voicing my needs and making myself a priority.

Last night however, I admitted to my hubby about my stress with launching the restaurant and it was comforting to find he too was also very stressed about the launch. Just that little conversation released a little from the boiling pot.

I’ve also had a friend reach out from my socials after I expressed my thoughts of whether sharing my journey is adding any value and their response and following banter has allowed more pressure to be released from my boiling pot. I have felt seen and heard and it was comforting to receive an outsider’s perspective, and nice to know that I’m not going crazy and that what I am feeling is very valid and something I need to truly address especially my physical well being. If I’m physically unwell, even just an upset stomach it just overflows so much in my emotional and mental well being, I feel like I suffer on all fronts.

The balance between treatment side effects causing harm and the cancer causing harm is a fine line that is danced on all the time, it’s just such a horrible disease and unfortunately this is my life now, for the rest of my life – but it is a choice I chose to fight, for a life with the ones I love. But my health must be my number one priority behind my family, all other aspects of my life suffer if I don’t address my health first.

So where do I being, here is my thought process;

Step one: set clear and healthy boundaries.

·         Stick to work hours and stop working overtime.

·         To the best I can do with the time constraints I am given.

·         Priorities are family, health, then work.

·         Commit to myself.

·         Believe in myself to make change.

Step Two: Prioritise eating healthy, nourishing, wholesome meals with heaps of fruits and vegetables.

·         Meal Plan

·         Meal Prep to ensure I reach for healthy foods

·         Eat at regular intervals

·         Fast the first half of the morning

·         Eat 2 hours before bed

·         Juicing

Step Three: Move my body, at least 30 mins a day

·         Walk the puppies

·         Shoot some hoops

·         Dancing

·         Pilates

·         Boxing

·         Treadmill

·         Yoga

·         Stretching

Step Four: Spending wholesome nourishing time with my puppies and family

·         Walk the puppies

·         Take them on adventures

·         Make treats with them

·         Have outside time with them

·         Garden with them

Step Five: Re-commence meditation twice daily + breathwork

·         Meditation in the morning

·         As I go to bed + breathwork

·         Mindfulness through the day

·         Read a book before bed

Step Six: Prioritise rest, sleep and rejuvenation

·         Have a wake and sleep routine

·         Less screen time

·         Read a book before bed

·         Sleep Tea

·         Warm lemon water upon waking

·         Stretching & Yoga to release tension in the body

·         Sauna time

·         Amethyst Mat time

·         Pre work for the next morning

I’m writing this out so you can see what I will be working on to get myself back to a better space where I feel like I am thriving not just surviving, but also to have more energy in the tank to give the best of me to everything I do and everyone I am with.

This also brings me back to question of whether I will continue to share this journey, and if so what will I share? I have had a thought of expanding my target for this blog, it’s not just about thriving with Cancer, it will be about healing with Cancer. I want to give hope, and make you believe in the good in any situation and try to do this with grace. I hope that it helps you to have honest conversations with yourself and others around health, Cancer, and wellness, I hope to help you find acceptance with yourself and with others, and to find your own power and be an embodiment of your truest self. I want to provide tools for you to find your inner resilience and strength to face all kinds of situations. And to do all this, I will share what I feel called to, to achieve this. I will be honest; I will be real and raw and hopefully relatable.

Life is sometimes a beautiful struggle, so let’s find the beauty in all of life including the struggles and know that sometimes when you fall – you actually fly. It’s all about your perspective.

Until next time (and hopefully from a better mental space)

L xox